How to Be Sexually Confident: A Guide for Women
Did you know that 34% of Americans aren’t happy with their sex lives?
Sex takes a lot of work from everyone involved, and you need to be sexually confident to communicate what you want. Otherwise, it’s a bad time for everyone.
Of course, it’s easier said than done to be self-affirmed in what you want (and what you don’t). After all, it’s tough to say, “this doesn’t work for me” when you’re in the heat of the moment and your partner is giving their all!
If you’re wondering how to be sexually confident, then keep reading. We’ll give you a guide on boosting your sexual confidence!
Table of Contents
Get to Know Yourself Better
Before you can even think about spicing things up in the bedroom, you need to get to know yourself better. If you don’t know how your body works and what you like, then how is your partner going to?
Here are some things you can try to learn what your body’s like and to accept and love how you’re built!
Take a Good Look
It might be uncomfortable and awkward, but you should get out a hand mirror and get to looking at things down below.
Many women have the knee-jerk reaction of, “My vulva is ugly! It doesn’t look anything like it does in porn!” This can result in feeling like you’re inadequate, which doesn’t do anything for your confidence.
What you need to realize is that porn isn’t reality. The majority of porn actresses are selected for their aesthetics, plus they take extra steps to make their bodies look a certain way (such as bleaching or cosmetic surgery).
In reality, vulvas and vaginas come in different sizes, shapes, and colors. As long as you can feel pleasure, you should embrace your unique beauty!
So take a good look at yourself, and not just your vulva either. It can be a good exercise to examine your entire body in the mirror so you can love every part of it.
Try to turn every negative thought into a positive one. For example, if you hate your stretch marks, try to think of them as tiger stripes. Or if you love the shape of your breasts, give yourself an internal compliment!
With enough time and practice, you’ll slowly start to love your body and feel comfortable in your skin.
Experiment with Masturbation
If you don’t already masturbate, you need to start now! In addition to learning every inch of your body through looking at it in the mirror, you also need to learn what turns you on and what doesn’t. Before you can expect your partner to know these things, you need to know them yourself.
If you were raised in a more conservative setting, we understand that you might feel guilt or shame when touching yourself. But sex (both with yourself and your partner) is a beautiful and natural thing!
You can start off with just using your hands, feeling around, and experimenting to see where your erogenous zones are. These are places that get you hot! And they’re not just your genitals, either; some common erogenous zones include the nape of the neck, nipples, lower back, and inner thighs.
Discovering what can give you a huge orgasm is very empowering. You might even experience female ejaculation! (Female ejaculation is explained in this article if you’d like to learn more)
But don’t put too much pressure on yourself if you’re not able to orgasm or ejaculate. The most important thing is that you figure out what’s pleasurable to you so you can communicate this with your partner.
Try Sex Toys
Once you’ve gotten acquainted with your body, you can then try adding some sex toys into the mix.
There are so many out there in all sorts of shapes and sizes, with different purposes as well. Some are made to provide solely external pleasure while others stimulate your G-spot. There are even sex toys made for anal play.
Needless to say, there’s a whole world of sex toys out there! But we’d suggest starting off simple and small first, such as with a vibrator for clitoral stimulation.
You can then slowly add to your collection and explore your body further with more “complicated” toys!
Familiarizing yourself with these toys can help build your confidence in bed. And who knows, you might even want to add them to your sex sessions for spicing up a relationship! Your partner will be pleasantly surprised that you’re taking charge of what’s involved in your sex play.
Buy Some Sexy Lingerie
Now that you’ve learned to love your body, it wouldn’t hurt to get some sexy lingerie. You know exactly what you pride yourself on, so go shopping for some pieces that’ll highlight all your best features.
For example, if you absolutely love your curves, a bodysuit or corset will do wonders to highlight every single one. Or, if you think your legs are amazing, some stockings and garters are ideal.
The idea is to try out several garments and see what works for you. Don’t worry about what your partner will think. What’s most important is that you feel beautiful and confident about how you look!
When you love what you’re wearing in bed, that’ll automatically translate into sexual confidence.
Express Yourself With Authenticity
On that note, you don’t have to buy conventional sexy lingerie. Only do so if it’ll make you feel more confident.
For some women, they don’t find traditionally feminine things appealing, such as makeup and high heels. If that sounds like you, then that’s ok!
Don’t feel like you have to stick with the norm to attract and keep a partner. When you’re able to express yourself authentically and own your personal style, then you’ll find sexual confidence soar!
Communicate With Your Partner
It takes a lot of trust to get into bed with someone. This is especially true if you have past traumas that make sex more difficult for you.
The thing is, you should only have sex when you feel 100% comfortable. And this applies to everything that goes on in bed too!
If there’s something that you don’t wish to do, make sure you clearly communicate this with your partner before things start heating up. Should they cross the line, either accidentally or purposely, don’t hesitate to stand up for yourself and tell them, “hey, that’s not ok.”
If they keep crossing the line, then it might be time to reassess your relationship with this person, regardless of whether it’s a casual or serious one. You deserve a safe space to explore your sexuality and not be pushed to do things you don’t want to do.
Discuss What You Want to Try
Springing things on your partner in the middle of sex can be jarring and even unpleasant for either them and/or both of you. If they end up reacting negatively, this can impact your sexual confidence.
Do both of you a favor and discuss what you want to try before you jump in bed. This ensures that you’re having a conversation in a safe space where you can calmly go over what’s acceptable for both of you.
You can even turn this into a bonding experience! For example, if you both find the idea of anal sex appealing, you can then do further research and maybe even watch some porn of this genre together.
Being able to communicate with your partner effectively is a satisfying feeling. Not to mention, it’ll help boost your sexual confidence!
Know Your Worth
Unfortunately, there will be times where you have a less than ideal partner. Sadly, every minute, almost 20 people are abused by an intimate partner.
You should know that you’re a worthy being and don’t deserve to be pressured or bullied into doing things you don’t want to do, nor do you deserve to be abused by someone you trust.
In most (if not all) abusive relationships, the abuser will do everything they can to wreck your confidence. It can be difficult, but by recognizing the signs of an unhealthy relationship and getting out of it, it can set you up for much healthier scenarios in the future.
Know How to Be Sexually Confident to Improve Your Sex Life
The journey in knowing how to be sexually confident can be a challenging one. We’re our own worst critics, after all.
But if you keep at it and learn to fully accept and love yourself, self-confidence will definitely follow. And as a result, you’ll enjoy a much better sex life!
Want more sex tips for women? Then you should take a look at our other blog posts now!